Writer's Neutral

One thing I have always prided myself on is never having writer’s block.  To be fair, I don’t usually sit down to write unless I have something ready to go.  I tend to have this thing I will call writer’s neutral.  It’s the strangest thing.  I know exactly what I want to write and what I want to say.  It is all storyboarded and thought through.  Then something comes up and I have to take care of it right away.  Then something else does.  Then I remember something I was supposed to do.  When all is said and done, I sit down in front of the computer and stare at the screen.  The words are there in my mind but I’m stuck in neutral.  I can’t bring myself to write the words down.  For me (to extrapolate on my music analogy from yesterday) writing is like dancing a waltz.  It is a slow, methodical display of passion carrying one away to somewhere else.  It’s hard to get ready to waltz when you know you will have homework to help with or a family outing soon or even your spouse wanting you to spend that time with them.  So you are left not with the time for a long piece by Strauss but rather a quick hit from the Beatles.  Both are great.  But they are two different types of dancing.  So you are left with this short window that started later than you wanted or ends earlier than you would like or both.  There is that blank screen and you think to yourself, “If I start writing now I’m going to be interrupted and lose my train of thought or else keep telling the other party to wait and risk creating an awkward situation.”  Neither prospect is pleasing.  Thus you stare at the screen in neutral.  The words are there.  The question becomes whether there is the time and conviction to get them down.  I have played both sides.  I have been the person locked in the computer room writing with all my heart for days if not weeks.  The next thing I know I am an alien to my own family.  Plans have been made of which I am not a part and decisions have been made without my input.  It is a lonely, isolated feeling.  On the other side of the coin I have taken part in all sorts of activities and been involved in all the plans.  Then my writing comes to a complete stop and is totally ignored.  Either way, a little part of me dies inside.  So I try to be all things to all people and find myself stuck in neutral in front of the computer with the kids about to get home from school.  That will not work.  So much is in my head screaming to be written.  My mind wants that long waltz.  Sometimes I guess you just have to take turns deciding what part of your life to indulge.